You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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