paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
