This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
