if you like me you must not know who I am
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
