I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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