seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
