I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
