you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
