If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
