What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
