you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
