Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
