So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Boobs speak an international language.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
