Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Boobs speak an international language.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize