I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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