I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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