like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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