I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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