i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
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