What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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