Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
