booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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