I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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