If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
