I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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