was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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