Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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