I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
