why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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