i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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