once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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