even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
