There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
