Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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