i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
