Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
