HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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