i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
