And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
