When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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