Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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