Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
