ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
