i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
