He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
