You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
