I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
