He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
