I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
