My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i think im in europe. pls send help
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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