I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
