We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
