my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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