Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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