my vag is so smooth its legendary
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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