What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
