i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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