Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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