After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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