If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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