I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize