Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
