i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
a search helicopter?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
